when i feel sad... or angry... or anything. i have to write it down. or anything, just to share it with people. i hate being lonely or have nobody to share what i feel. that's why, i write every little thing i feel in every possible way.
to keep it by myself would just make myself breakdown. then finally cry. then finally thinking about suicide. pathetic, i know. but who cares?
lately i feel that every single thing i have written just makes someone's angry or sad. so now i have to choose to write or not to write what i feel.
but later on after i choose, i would hurt somebody else's feelings too. so what's the point?
it's like my high school year is not as 'fun' as people always say.
i am thinking about going to college this very moment.
and i think there is someone who is actually happy when reading this post. i'm happy for you. and somebody you really love.
you deserve him. i don't want to struggle for anything more.
the last thing i want to get is a good university which when i have graduated from that university i can go help somebody else. at least i can do something better than keep hurting people's feeling.
maybe that's the reason why i want to be a doctor. i want to be someone that is useful. or at least, can help somebody else.
off to study now. who knows by studying, someday i can be useful.
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